fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
