well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
