he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
