I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
