u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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