also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
