it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
