It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
