so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
