Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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