I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
