He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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