it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
