I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
