He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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