She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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