i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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