Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
