like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
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Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
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