fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
