do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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