Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He better not be in your backpack
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
