We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Randomize
