He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
