I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Alive.
So much puke
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Randomize
