Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize