I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
