I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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