She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
