this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
