My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
