He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
