I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
