Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
