Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
