this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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