Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Too much gin, very little bucket
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
