I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Everclear isn't food dammit
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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