I just pynch a tree in the face
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
