i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
