Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
