hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
