White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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