after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
