One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
