She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
