she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
