Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
