i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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