"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
