she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
