Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You've changed since you got that strap on
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
