I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
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I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize