Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
