you would pick up someone in the library
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
