Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
