not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
