i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
