What did we do last night that was yellow?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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