What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
