that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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