Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
