My pussy is not your playground.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
