shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
