I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
