i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
