He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
