porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
