i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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