You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Let's get the cat blown out
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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