and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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