it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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