As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
