Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
