Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
