Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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