Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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