the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
