I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
