nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
