Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
