It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
