I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
