I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
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hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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