Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
