There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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