it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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