ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
