I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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