new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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