I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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